Monday, May 16, 2005
On Prom
Dear Ms. Gramse (and venerable newspaper editors),
I read your thoughtful letter to the editor, but I did not particularly enjoy the thoughts in stated letter, so I decided to write you my own.
I understand you are upset that your schoolmate, one Mr. Kerry Lofy, ruined prom by attending the event in a dress. As you state, "I believe any punishment he receives is justified. He did not listen."
My dear Madame! Just what kind of parent will you become one day? If your child doesn't listen to you -- and you believe that any punishment is justified -- it could be torture day at the Gramse home, no? Not eating your peas -- 2 weeks' grounding! Didn't wash hands before dinner -- stick those hands in a light socket! Bicycle's not put away -- off with your big toe! I sincerely ask you to reconsider your judgment that any punishment is justified if one does not listen. For the sake of your future children, Ms. Gramse!
What makes this missive to you all the more embarrassing -- because I assure you, Madame, that I take no pleasure in being argumentative, especially with such a force of intelligence as yourself -- is that I think it is quite clear that Mr. Lofy did listen to Badger High School administration. He simply chose to wear a dress to prom anyway. Wouldn't have been my choice, I admit. I've never understood the cross-dressers. Then again, based on the picture our persistent newspaper published next to the news story about this item, context appears to show that Mr. Lofy may not be a cross-dresser; I would argue he merely enjoys creating a good-natured stir. And I tip my hat to him for that.
As your letter states, you believe Mr. Lofy's dress-wearing behavior "is mocking the whole event." At this point, I humbly beg you to answer one minor, yet not insignificant, question: So what? There are some people -- you do not know them, I'm sure -- who would honor Mr. Lofy for mocking an event such as prom.
But my dear Ms. Gramse: you believe this is a travesty, no? In your final sentence, you ask the timeless question: "Is nothing sacred anymore?" Allow me the trouble of examining this question -- peeling back the layers, as is said -- for I am nothing, if not an inquisitive fellow.
I propose to you that you believe prom to be a sort of "coming-of-age" for young people. High-schoolers get to dress up in fancy clothes, go out and eat like royalty, dance and party like the world will soon end in a massive ball of flame, drink alcoholic beverages like runners quaff water after a race, and enjoy the thrills and sensations of premarital sex. Grouping all these activities together -- I agree -- seems to adequately describe a prom night. Therefore, I begin to understand your cunning thought process. It would seem that, given all these delectable activities crammed together, that this was not merely another high school dance, but a rite -- a rite of passage.
And that, Madame, is where our philosophies shake hands in the dark and part ways. Because all those things I described: the eating, the partying, the drinking, the sex -- that's not just a night called prom. That's also called four or five years of college. I understand, all these activities may mean a lot right now. But trust me -- oh, how condescending that must sound to such young, intelligent ears! -- it's not just a night; it's a lifestyle.
Therefore, I argue to you: many things are sacred, yes. God is sacred. Trust is sacred. Prom, my dear Ms. Gramse, is not sacred.
I wish you only the very best of luck in all your future endeavors. And, of course, I remain--
Sincerely yours,
I read your thoughtful letter to the editor, but I did not particularly enjoy the thoughts in stated letter, so I decided to write you my own.
I understand you are upset that your schoolmate, one Mr. Kerry Lofy, ruined prom by attending the event in a dress. As you state, "I believe any punishment he receives is justified. He did not listen."
My dear Madame! Just what kind of parent will you become one day? If your child doesn't listen to you -- and you believe that any punishment is justified -- it could be torture day at the Gramse home, no? Not eating your peas -- 2 weeks' grounding! Didn't wash hands before dinner -- stick those hands in a light socket! Bicycle's not put away -- off with your big toe! I sincerely ask you to reconsider your judgment that any punishment is justified if one does not listen. For the sake of your future children, Ms. Gramse!
What makes this missive to you all the more embarrassing -- because I assure you, Madame, that I take no pleasure in being argumentative, especially with such a force of intelligence as yourself -- is that I think it is quite clear that Mr. Lofy did listen to Badger High School administration. He simply chose to wear a dress to prom anyway. Wouldn't have been my choice, I admit. I've never understood the cross-dressers. Then again, based on the picture our persistent newspaper published next to the news story about this item, context appears to show that Mr. Lofy may not be a cross-dresser; I would argue he merely enjoys creating a good-natured stir. And I tip my hat to him for that.
As your letter states, you believe Mr. Lofy's dress-wearing behavior "is mocking the whole event." At this point, I humbly beg you to answer one minor, yet not insignificant, question: So what? There are some people -- you do not know them, I'm sure -- who would honor Mr. Lofy for mocking an event such as prom.
But my dear Ms. Gramse: you believe this is a travesty, no? In your final sentence, you ask the timeless question: "Is nothing sacred anymore?" Allow me the trouble of examining this question -- peeling back the layers, as is said -- for I am nothing, if not an inquisitive fellow.
I propose to you that you believe prom to be a sort of "coming-of-age" for young people. High-schoolers get to dress up in fancy clothes, go out and eat like royalty, dance and party like the world will soon end in a massive ball of flame, drink alcoholic beverages like runners quaff water after a race, and enjoy the thrills and sensations of premarital sex. Grouping all these activities together -- I agree -- seems to adequately describe a prom night. Therefore, I begin to understand your cunning thought process. It would seem that, given all these delectable activities crammed together, that this was not merely another high school dance, but a rite -- a rite of passage.
And that, Madame, is where our philosophies shake hands in the dark and part ways. Because all those things I described: the eating, the partying, the drinking, the sex -- that's not just a night called prom. That's also called four or five years of college. I understand, all these activities may mean a lot right now. But trust me -- oh, how condescending that must sound to such young, intelligent ears! -- it's not just a night; it's a lifestyle.
Therefore, I argue to you: many things are sacred, yes. God is sacred. Trust is sacred. Prom, my dear Ms. Gramse, is not sacred.
I wish you only the very best of luck in all your future endeavors. And, of course, I remain--
Sincerely yours,
