Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Like Atlas 

Well, Goddamnit.

Summer is here. These past two weeks -- that was Spring. I know the calendar says June, but my barometer is made of two observations:

A.) How much I sweat on a run.
B.) How many people I have to maneuver around on the bike trail.

And for some reason, the last few days has seen a leap in the number of people engaging in outdoor activities. The competitive runner in me wants to yell at them: "Where were you when it was sleeting sideways in February?!" But that's all gators under the drawbridge now.

My real issue with summer -- other than the heat (mind you, the heat is a topic for many other posts) -- is not so much how many people are out and about. It's really about how many stupid people are out and about.

I still remember the most annoying people from last summer. The wife, boy and I were in the drive-thru line at Starbucks. And in front of us sat two young women -- somewhere between 18-22 -- who seemed quite friendly with each other.

Then, all the sudden, they both turned around and looked back at us, then turned to each other and started making out. It was like they had to show us -- "Hey, see how we're lesbians? See?" And it wasn't some sort of discreet kiss. It was like they were both holding ice cream cones and using their tongues to get to this tiny bit of ice cream that was left in the bottom of the cone.

And what killed me about it is they weren't even real lesbians. They were just pretty girls without boyfriends trying to be lesbians. Real lesbians aren't as good looking as these two were -- but most importantly, they wouldn't give a damn about what random people like me and my wife thought of them. These two were obviously very concerned that we see them attempt to touch each others' uvulas simultaneously.

This is what I have to look forward to. The whole of the city's idiotic people streaming out of their homes to show the world their new summer outfits, their freshly-washed cars, their dexterity with roller blades, how cool they can be in front of total strangers. A whole world of people, desperately wishing to be cool, basking in the sun so they can look cool, paying to be waxed to feel cool, posing with their hands on their waists to act cool, staying out as late as they can, searching for all that they missed the rest of the year.

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