Friday, January 09, 2004
"Love" & "Hate"
There's a kid I went to high school with who's one of the few people I can still say that I have hated. There are plenty of people I've disliked, and even quite a few that I've remained "in dislike" with for an extended period of time. But the list of the hated is pretty short.
I think the hated list, for me, includes only those people who directly and clearly symbolize evil. Maybe not even all things evil -- just a certain evil. But evil nonetheless.
I think the lists should be small. Sure, people say they love those cute curtains. I love TOTS. But meaningful love ought to go beyond frozen potatoes and curtains. Same thing with hate.
For example, I truly disliked the girl who dumped me after I cooked a huge dinner for her in October of '99. But is rudeness a sole indicator of evil? Nah. Some would argue she should be awarded for spending the five weeks she did with me.
How about the Vikings? I consistently say (aloud) how I hate the Vikings, their fans, their stadium, etc, etc. But football can't be important enough to warrant hatred.
Then there was the time my friend and I got on a trolley for some church festival, and this girl (who, at the time, could only have been unconsciously attracted to yours truly) started yelling to everyone on the trolley how big my butt was. My friend had to restrain me from throwing her off of a moving vehicle. If given the opportunity, I would have stomped on her face (then sat on it to prove her point). Ah, but hindsight tells me this was just an insecure, immature girl. Hatred should not be steeped in mere pubescent process.
But time, contrary to the saying, doesn't erase everything. Just knowing someone else's motivations -- mere understanding, the base level of knowledge -- does not always allay past wrongs. That's why a certain women's track coach and this guy from high school remain on the list.
A few months ago I heard that this guy, I'll call him Marko, was dating some girl who was a girlfriend of another guy I went to school with -- this guy who I'll call Kemp was a year or two younger than me and Marko. The story/rumor went that Kemp, who I never really knew very well, found Marko in bed with his girlfriend, and beat the hell out of him. Apparently it was bad enough that Marko ended up in the hospital and Kemp ended up in prison.
I remember hearing this, and feeling suddenly happy, justified -- elated. Now calm down, everyone, this doesn't mean I'm a sadist. Although I prefer horror films, my feelings on personal violence run much closer to an STFL character of mine called Jake Tanner, who wishes to become a boxer, yet cannot stomach the sight of blood. Watching it up close can be a terrible thing. That stated, it must take something as strong as hatred for me to feel elation upon hearing such a story.
I guess I should clear the air by saying I wasn't some nerdy, picked-on kid in high school. I did OK. A bit of a loner, but that's how I liked it. This makes me wonder, then, what memories some people must have. How tense those moments must be at reunions -- the Beautiful Girls moments. When the nerdy, picked-on kid approaches Lauren Holly and tells her how beautiful she was in school, but that she was "mean as a snake".
Now the funny thing about it is -- the reason there's this site and all -- is that I remember a conversation I had with Marko. And it wasn't one of our usual conversations. It was the week before Christmas, my junior or senior year, and I think it was a Tuesday. I was really down: in one of those periods of utter boredom and disaffection that naturally hits high school students. I explained to Marko how much I didn't want to be in school, or something to that effect, and he responded differently, saying how there were only two days left because it was a short week because of the holiday, and how I had to think of it as looking toward Thursday rather than Friday.
What I couldn't understand then, and don't understand now, nearly ten years later, is how he sounded concerned, and answered with some level of understanding and compassion. And I took his words with a little more weight because there was now this second side, complicating everything, even though it was probably slight.
As Neil Young put it, "Even Richard Nixon has got soul."
I think the hated list, for me, includes only those people who directly and clearly symbolize evil. Maybe not even all things evil -- just a certain evil. But evil nonetheless.
I think the lists should be small. Sure, people say they love those cute curtains. I love TOTS. But meaningful love ought to go beyond frozen potatoes and curtains. Same thing with hate.
For example, I truly disliked the girl who dumped me after I cooked a huge dinner for her in October of '99. But is rudeness a sole indicator of evil? Nah. Some would argue she should be awarded for spending the five weeks she did with me.
How about the Vikings? I consistently say (aloud) how I hate the Vikings, their fans, their stadium, etc, etc. But football can't be important enough to warrant hatred.
Then there was the time my friend and I got on a trolley for some church festival, and this girl (who, at the time, could only have been unconsciously attracted to yours truly) started yelling to everyone on the trolley how big my butt was. My friend had to restrain me from throwing her off of a moving vehicle. If given the opportunity, I would have stomped on her face (then sat on it to prove her point). Ah, but hindsight tells me this was just an insecure, immature girl. Hatred should not be steeped in mere pubescent process.
But time, contrary to the saying, doesn't erase everything. Just knowing someone else's motivations -- mere understanding, the base level of knowledge -- does not always allay past wrongs. That's why a certain women's track coach and this guy from high school remain on the list.
A few months ago I heard that this guy, I'll call him Marko, was dating some girl who was a girlfriend of another guy I went to school with -- this guy who I'll call Kemp was a year or two younger than me and Marko. The story/rumor went that Kemp, who I never really knew very well, found Marko in bed with his girlfriend, and beat the hell out of him. Apparently it was bad enough that Marko ended up in the hospital and Kemp ended up in prison.
I remember hearing this, and feeling suddenly happy, justified -- elated. Now calm down, everyone, this doesn't mean I'm a sadist. Although I prefer horror films, my feelings on personal violence run much closer to an STFL character of mine called Jake Tanner, who wishes to become a boxer, yet cannot stomach the sight of blood. Watching it up close can be a terrible thing. That stated, it must take something as strong as hatred for me to feel elation upon hearing such a story.
I guess I should clear the air by saying I wasn't some nerdy, picked-on kid in high school. I did OK. A bit of a loner, but that's how I liked it. This makes me wonder, then, what memories some people must have. How tense those moments must be at reunions -- the Beautiful Girls moments. When the nerdy, picked-on kid approaches Lauren Holly and tells her how beautiful she was in school, but that she was "mean as a snake".
Now the funny thing about it is -- the reason there's this site and all -- is that I remember a conversation I had with Marko. And it wasn't one of our usual conversations. It was the week before Christmas, my junior or senior year, and I think it was a Tuesday. I was really down: in one of those periods of utter boredom and disaffection that naturally hits high school students. I explained to Marko how much I didn't want to be in school, or something to that effect, and he responded differently, saying how there were only two days left because it was a short week because of the holiday, and how I had to think of it as looking toward Thursday rather than Friday.
What I couldn't understand then, and don't understand now, nearly ten years later, is how he sounded concerned, and answered with some level of understanding and compassion. And I took his words with a little more weight because there was now this second side, complicating everything, even though it was probably slight.
As Neil Young put it, "Even Richard Nixon has got soul."
