Sunday, March 21, 2004
"Thank a teacher."
I suppose it's a good idea to thank a teacher who has influenced you. But then I would wonder if the teacher would even remember me. Better perhaps to thank people who never thought they were influencing you at the time, but through the years, it's stuck. Either way, here we go:
Thanks to:
Jason Finch, who, while preparing a large batch of spaghetti, taught me to place a small plate between all four stove burners. That way, you can set a spoon on it without dirtying the stove-top. I've used this little tool ever since.
Moira Lynch, who asked me one day during high school, why did I stretch my lower legs with the "wall stretch" by leaning against the wall. She explained to me that she, instead, simply pressed her sole against the wall, and this gave her more control over the stretch. At the time, I railed against this interruption of my long-held stretching methodology. But now I use the new wall stretch, and -- I agree, Moira -- you feel the stretch slightly better that way.
Tim from Upper Crust, who taught me the joys of a soda-slushy on a hot day. Simply place a half-empty 2-liter soda in the freezer for a few minutes -- not too long or you'll kill it -- and wa-lah! Soda slushy! The best part of the soda slushy is that the part that gets frozen is the water, so all that glorious sugar and syrup is extracted for your drinking enjoyment.
Dan Orchard, who taught me to hang your garbage or food while camping (after wrapping well), so bears can't get to it. I've camped with lots of over-assertive campers before. You know the type. They so desperately want everyone to know that they are the camping experts, that they have to play teacher, and then act as if "Everyone should know this, I can't believe you don't know this." Orch never sunk to this level, and while I've never had to use his advice, I do remember it, as there are between 10,000 and 14,000 bears in northern Wisconsin. You never know.
Kelly McKnight, who taught me, on the day of my first cross country party of all time, the phrase, "a meal in a bottle". While I don't enjoy as many bottles as I used to, he was correct. A dark beer can make for a satisfying meal, thus erasing any desire for solid, nutritional digestion.
The guy at the Mobil station. You were just there for some beef sticks, a Dew, and a Crunch bar, but you saw that my credit card was rejecting, and you paid my entire $19.38 gas bill, and then refused to let me try the ATM for money or take your address so I could send you the money, as well as a full case of beer. I will, indeed, do something nice for a stranger.
All the smokers I've met and become friends with. You taught me the bite of the wind as we waited outside for you to finish your smokey treat. From you I learned the terrible, societal strike against the smoker -- the taxation, the removal from warmth, the dirty looks, and yes, that little thing called cancer. I never joined you in your unbreakable habit, but from you I learned compassion.
Uncle Mark, who embarrassed me out on the UW-GB trails. It is best to think things over, and keep one's cards close to the chest, no?
Julia from the creative writing lab. You're right. It's one thing to be honest with someone. It's another to stomp on their face while they're lying on the ground. Good luck with the travel novel. But quit reading the Kerouac. It's got to be your book.
The guy behind the counter at the now-closed comic book shop on Maryland. It's OK to have liked Tesla. I was a fan. You'll never know when you might run into another. We're all still recovering. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Thanks to:
Jason Finch, who, while preparing a large batch of spaghetti, taught me to place a small plate between all four stove burners. That way, you can set a spoon on it without dirtying the stove-top. I've used this little tool ever since.
Moira Lynch, who asked me one day during high school, why did I stretch my lower legs with the "wall stretch" by leaning against the wall. She explained to me that she, instead, simply pressed her sole against the wall, and this gave her more control over the stretch. At the time, I railed against this interruption of my long-held stretching methodology. But now I use the new wall stretch, and -- I agree, Moira -- you feel the stretch slightly better that way.
Tim from Upper Crust, who taught me the joys of a soda-slushy on a hot day. Simply place a half-empty 2-liter soda in the freezer for a few minutes -- not too long or you'll kill it -- and wa-lah! Soda slushy! The best part of the soda slushy is that the part that gets frozen is the water, so all that glorious sugar and syrup is extracted for your drinking enjoyment.
Dan Orchard, who taught me to hang your garbage or food while camping (after wrapping well), so bears can't get to it. I've camped with lots of over-assertive campers before. You know the type. They so desperately want everyone to know that they are the camping experts, that they have to play teacher, and then act as if "Everyone should know this, I can't believe you don't know this." Orch never sunk to this level, and while I've never had to use his advice, I do remember it, as there are between 10,000 and 14,000 bears in northern Wisconsin. You never know.
Kelly McKnight, who taught me, on the day of my first cross country party of all time, the phrase, "a meal in a bottle". While I don't enjoy as many bottles as I used to, he was correct. A dark beer can make for a satisfying meal, thus erasing any desire for solid, nutritional digestion.
The guy at the Mobil station. You were just there for some beef sticks, a Dew, and a Crunch bar, but you saw that my credit card was rejecting, and you paid my entire $19.38 gas bill, and then refused to let me try the ATM for money or take your address so I could send you the money, as well as a full case of beer. I will, indeed, do something nice for a stranger.
All the smokers I've met and become friends with. You taught me the bite of the wind as we waited outside for you to finish your smokey treat. From you I learned the terrible, societal strike against the smoker -- the taxation, the removal from warmth, the dirty looks, and yes, that little thing called cancer. I never joined you in your unbreakable habit, but from you I learned compassion.
Uncle Mark, who embarrassed me out on the UW-GB trails. It is best to think things over, and keep one's cards close to the chest, no?
Julia from the creative writing lab. You're right. It's one thing to be honest with someone. It's another to stomp on their face while they're lying on the ground. Good luck with the travel novel. But quit reading the Kerouac. It's got to be your book.
The guy behind the counter at the now-closed comic book shop on Maryland. It's OK to have liked Tesla. I was a fan. You'll never know when you might run into another. We're all still recovering. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
