Friday, October 22, 2004
Divided by a Microphone
The world generally breaks down into two types of people:
1.) Those who love, cherish, and enjoy karaoke.
2.) And those who are thoroughly repulsed by karaoke.
If you know anything -- any minor thing -- about me, you know that I fall into the latter category. It's simple, really. Would I like to go to where an establishment's aural environment is completely drowned by terrible singing that defecates upon the original material that may or may not have been great listening? Would I enjoy the cheap, twirling, colored lights? Would I like constant disappointment to be trumped by . . . even more disappointment . . . just as everyone else is having the time of their lives? Would I?
I know a fair number of women in long-term relationships. Long-term, meaning beyond two years. And they're all at the point in which they're wondering: "Where's the ring?" Some women can wonder gracefully, quietly. Other women cluck with their girlfriends. Shameless women go right out and complain.
Now, personally, I don't understand it. I'm a guy. I was in that position. So I do understand the indecision. But not after two years. If you don't know after two years, what else is it going to take? What does she have to do? What proof are you waiting for? Or is it just a cheap screw? Because if it's just an easy screw, that makes you nothing but desperate and lazy.
If, however, you really are serious, and you're this far along, and you still wonder -- turn to the microphone. Which side are you on? Are you feverishly driving to the karaoke bar on Thursday nights? Are you belting out Whitney Houston songs? Or are you the one who slams his beer and grabs his jacket after the bartender turns on the lyrics screen?
OK, now here's the real question: what type of person is your girlfriend? There's your answer. If you're two years in, you don't know what to do, and you need something to place on the ring-buying teeter-totter, this is it. If you two fall on the same side of the karaoke microphone, just pop the damn question. If you don't -- if you're normal, but she's up there, howling like a monkey -- drop her. Really -- is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Do you really think you can meet her (obnoxious) needs? More importantly: could she meet yours? Are you really going to settle for something like this? Fake smiles and half-hearted clapping? Tone-deafness and Top 40 radio? Because if you're even still considering this, all I have to say is:
Get out. Get out while you still can.
1.) Those who love, cherish, and enjoy karaoke.
2.) And those who are thoroughly repulsed by karaoke.
If you know anything -- any minor thing -- about me, you know that I fall into the latter category. It's simple, really. Would I like to go to where an establishment's aural environment is completely drowned by terrible singing that defecates upon the original material that may or may not have been great listening? Would I enjoy the cheap, twirling, colored lights? Would I like constant disappointment to be trumped by . . . even more disappointment . . . just as everyone else is having the time of their lives? Would I?
I know a fair number of women in long-term relationships. Long-term, meaning beyond two years. And they're all at the point in which they're wondering: "Where's the ring?" Some women can wonder gracefully, quietly. Other women cluck with their girlfriends. Shameless women go right out and complain.
Now, personally, I don't understand it. I'm a guy. I was in that position. So I do understand the indecision. But not after two years. If you don't know after two years, what else is it going to take? What does she have to do? What proof are you waiting for? Or is it just a cheap screw? Because if it's just an easy screw, that makes you nothing but desperate and lazy.
If, however, you really are serious, and you're this far along, and you still wonder -- turn to the microphone. Which side are you on? Are you feverishly driving to the karaoke bar on Thursday nights? Are you belting out Whitney Houston songs? Or are you the one who slams his beer and grabs his jacket after the bartender turns on the lyrics screen?
OK, now here's the real question: what type of person is your girlfriend? There's your answer. If you're two years in, you don't know what to do, and you need something to place on the ring-buying teeter-totter, this is it. If you two fall on the same side of the karaoke microphone, just pop the damn question. If you don't -- if you're normal, but she's up there, howling like a monkey -- drop her. Really -- is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Do you really think you can meet her (obnoxious) needs? More importantly: could she meet yours? Are you really going to settle for something like this? Fake smiles and half-hearted clapping? Tone-deafness and Top 40 radio? Because if you're even still considering this, all I have to say is:
Get out. Get out while you still can.
