Saturday, October 16, 2004
Things My Wife Can Say Out Loud in a Crowded Diner
"So Kenny's not seeing Ralph anymore."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, apparently Ralph decided after six months of butt sex that he still likes girls."
"See, I don't get that. I know most people don't understand bisexuals. They think, 'make a choice, why don't you.' Me? I understand the bisexuals. What I don't get is the switchers. Oh, I understand experimentation. But you're telling me that after six months of sleeping with his girlfriend and the guy around the block that he's just cold-turkey going to the girlfriend?"
"I guess."
"I don't get it."
"It's terrible for the girlfriend. You know that she doesn't even know about it?"
"Wow. Six months, and she had no idea? Sheesh!"
"Think of the health issues! You know, stuff comes out, Will. He could have done Kenny, and you know, sometimes stuff comes out when guys do it. And I know some of them use an enema, but even then, some still comes out. And then, think, he could have gone and done his girlfriend right afterward. Think of the germs!"
"I can't believe you just said that."
"What? About the stuff coming out? Oh, Todd told me that. Everyone knows about that. You're so squeemish."
"Jessica, you talk to way too many gay men."
"They like me. They feel comfortable sharing with me."
"Can we go home now?"
"Oh?"
"Yeah, apparently Ralph decided after six months of butt sex that he still likes girls."
"See, I don't get that. I know most people don't understand bisexuals. They think, 'make a choice, why don't you.' Me? I understand the bisexuals. What I don't get is the switchers. Oh, I understand experimentation. But you're telling me that after six months of sleeping with his girlfriend and the guy around the block that he's just cold-turkey going to the girlfriend?"
"I guess."
"I don't get it."
"It's terrible for the girlfriend. You know that she doesn't even know about it?"
"Wow. Six months, and she had no idea? Sheesh!"
"Think of the health issues! You know, stuff comes out, Will. He could have done Kenny, and you know, sometimes stuff comes out when guys do it. And I know some of them use an enema, but even then, some still comes out. And then, think, he could have gone and done his girlfriend right afterward. Think of the germs!"
"I can't believe you just said that."
"What? About the stuff coming out? Oh, Todd told me that. Everyone knows about that. You're so squeemish."
"Jessica, you talk to way too many gay men."
"They like me. They feel comfortable sharing with me."
"Can we go home now?"
