Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Getting Behind the Transmission
I've been behind on everything lately. I'm behind on my writing; haven't really gotten a good go on the new chapter. Behind on my housework; dishes piling up. Behind at work; e-mail inbox overflowing. Behind in my running; stuck at just getting lucky to get out the door.
I'm even behind with basic communication. People come up to me at work; I'm supposed to speak to them, so I throw all these pauses into my speech, as if the space of the sentence will get the idea across rather than the content. Then I realize I'm not making sense, so I try and speed things up, talking over myself, interrupting myself, making sense only for one.
Maybe that's why all sorts of people . . . . let me think, let me think . . . . 8 people in the last week have asked me if I'm all right. They ask hesitantly. I'm great, but I must look like shit for them to ask this. I can't figure out why people don't ask this when I'm not doing great. That's the real mystery. But asking doesn't matter. Whether I'm great or not doesn't change how I'd answer the question. I answer like everyone else: I'm fine. Because if you're not, and you tell the truth, that promotes an investigation. Everyone wants to know why he's not fine and what can be done to make him fine. Then, when they find out why he's not fine and realize it was never the end of the world, state, democracy, existence, sunny days or pepperoni pizza, they're annoyed.
That's why everyone's always 'fine'.
Nevertheless, I'm fine and great and still behind on everything, which is why I feel justified commenting on an old story. By now everyone knows our good ol' quarterback Brett Favre called out our money-grubbing wide receiver Javon Walker for his contract dispute. Short story: Javon's under contract for two more years but is holding out for more dough; Brett commented in the paper that he should honor his contract and that the Packers shouldn't give in to his demands.
What this story has shown -- based on Milwaukee media's repudiation of Favre for this statement -- is how much of a faux pa it is to give one's opinion these days. Everyone's telling Brett to mind his own business, and business is business, and even though he's the captain he's not the captain of Javon, and Javon's Javon's boss, and no one else is the boss of Javon, and you get the picture. (Note: To Javon's credit, he's kept his mouth mostly shut. Mostly.)
And my whole take on this is Brett Favre is a fucking captain. And I know in pro sports that's often a title sort of thrown out there as a reward rather than a title someone deserves or lives up to. To me, he wouldn't be a good captain if he didn't stand up and shove his opinion in Javon's face. Being a captain's not about being liked. It's about getting the best out of your men. This isn't Javon's best hour. Brett let him know. Simple as that.
I remember once in college, freshman year, I told a friend of mine -- normally a very hard-working over-achiever -- I thought he was wasting his time in school. He was dicking around, taking the minimum number of credits for no good reason. Didn't affect me at all, so I suppose I should have let it go. It was none of my business. But it was just a comment. As I remember it, he threatened to punch me -- right there in the crowded lunch room. I laughed at him and he walked out. I think we spoke maybe one more time after that. Which -- of course -- is too bad. I should have resolved it. But he couldn't take criticism, not a hint of it. To this day, I'm convinced that's because he knew I was right.
That's kind of sad, to live like that -- rather sheltered. It reminds me of little kids who close their eyes if they don't want to be seen; if they can't see you, it can't be happening. If he couldn't hear me, he didn't have to think about it. I guess this whole topic goes back to the distinction between friends and acquaintances. If we were true friends, he would have taken my shit, and I would have given enough of a damn to salvage the friendship before we began walking around campus pretending we didn't see each other. But acquaintances always have to agree.
What's the alternative to honesty? Are we all going to tip-toe around each other? Isn't part of friendship telling someone they can give more when you know they're not? Telling them when they impress us? When they make us proud? But also when they piss in the wind?
I'm even behind with basic communication. People come up to me at work; I'm supposed to speak to them, so I throw all these pauses into my speech, as if the space of the sentence will get the idea across rather than the content. Then I realize I'm not making sense, so I try and speed things up, talking over myself, interrupting myself, making sense only for one.
Maybe that's why all sorts of people . . . . let me think, let me think . . . . 8 people in the last week have asked me if I'm all right. They ask hesitantly. I'm great, but I must look like shit for them to ask this. I can't figure out why people don't ask this when I'm not doing great. That's the real mystery. But asking doesn't matter. Whether I'm great or not doesn't change how I'd answer the question. I answer like everyone else: I'm fine. Because if you're not, and you tell the truth, that promotes an investigation. Everyone wants to know why he's not fine and what can be done to make him fine. Then, when they find out why he's not fine and realize it was never the end of the world, state, democracy, existence, sunny days or pepperoni pizza, they're annoyed.
That's why everyone's always 'fine'.
Nevertheless, I'm fine and great and still behind on everything, which is why I feel justified commenting on an old story. By now everyone knows our good ol' quarterback Brett Favre called out our money-grubbing wide receiver Javon Walker for his contract dispute. Short story: Javon's under contract for two more years but is holding out for more dough; Brett commented in the paper that he should honor his contract and that the Packers shouldn't give in to his demands.
What this story has shown -- based on Milwaukee media's repudiation of Favre for this statement -- is how much of a faux pa it is to give one's opinion these days. Everyone's telling Brett to mind his own business, and business is business, and even though he's the captain he's not the captain of Javon, and Javon's Javon's boss, and no one else is the boss of Javon, and you get the picture. (Note: To Javon's credit, he's kept his mouth mostly shut. Mostly.)
And my whole take on this is Brett Favre is a fucking captain. And I know in pro sports that's often a title sort of thrown out there as a reward rather than a title someone deserves or lives up to. To me, he wouldn't be a good captain if he didn't stand up and shove his opinion in Javon's face. Being a captain's not about being liked. It's about getting the best out of your men. This isn't Javon's best hour. Brett let him know. Simple as that.
I remember once in college, freshman year, I told a friend of mine -- normally a very hard-working over-achiever -- I thought he was wasting his time in school. He was dicking around, taking the minimum number of credits for no good reason. Didn't affect me at all, so I suppose I should have let it go. It was none of my business. But it was just a comment. As I remember it, he threatened to punch me -- right there in the crowded lunch room. I laughed at him and he walked out. I think we spoke maybe one more time after that. Which -- of course -- is too bad. I should have resolved it. But he couldn't take criticism, not a hint of it. To this day, I'm convinced that's because he knew I was right.
That's kind of sad, to live like that -- rather sheltered. It reminds me of little kids who close their eyes if they don't want to be seen; if they can't see you, it can't be happening. If he couldn't hear me, he didn't have to think about it. I guess this whole topic goes back to the distinction between friends and acquaintances. If we were true friends, he would have taken my shit, and I would have given enough of a damn to salvage the friendship before we began walking around campus pretending we didn't see each other. But acquaintances always have to agree.
What's the alternative to honesty? Are we all going to tip-toe around each other? Isn't part of friendship telling someone they can give more when you know they're not? Telling them when they impress us? When they make us proud? But also when they piss in the wind?
