Thursday, June 16, 2005
The Laws
Best Candy Bar:
Milky Way. There's nothing like the combination of milk chocolate (sugar, cocoa butter, skim milk, chocolate, lactose, milkfat, soy lecithin, artificial flavor), corn syrup, sugar, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, skim milk, less than 2% milkfat, cocoa powder processed with alkali, lactose, malted barley, wheat flour, salt, egg whites, and artificial flavor.
Worst 90s Band:
Easy. That goes to Gin Blossoms. Just horrible. That voice, like a whining terrier! The name, I even hate. The folky, REM-ish, Cure-ish, Hooty-ish mix of angst and sadness for the sake of selling records. And you can never get that damn jealousy song out of your head, can you? It's like the bad knock-off Tostito that you can't stop eating even though you hate the chips and yourself for still eating them.
Worst Sitcom, All-Time:
Another easy one: Home Improvement. How I hated this show when it was on the air. Let me count the reasons:
1.) Predictable. Opening joke, setup conflict, resolve with neighbor, everyone's happy again.
2.) The credit bloopers weren't funny.
3.) Horrible acting.
4.) Everyone loved this show. "Ohhhhhh, Tim the Tool-Man Taylor is oooooooon. Wooooooo-hooo!" I don't get it. What were these people looking forward to?
5.) That damn kid actor who got all famous for two weeks.
6.) The stupid neighbor schlock.
7.) The kiss of death: the "sitcom" got serious. The worst series to go serious was Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (remember -- the Carlton-gun episode?), but that had its redeeming good points. When this one went serious, there was nothing to redeem.
Best Seinfeld Episode on the 4 Seasons Released to DVD So Far:
Tough one, but I choose The Cheever Letters. That dinner scene is brilliant. The panties remark. "I'm gonna need some water over here!" Best episode ending of all time.
Most Awkward Harry Potter Movie Yet:
Chamber of Secrets was good, but you can just see them growing up on set, struggling with which emotion to . . . emote. And that ending just slowed to a halt for some reason. Still, worth the viewing.
Beer I'm Most Thankful is Offered Fairly Prominently Now That Was Not 5 Years Ago:
Beck's Dark. I don't know who got the idea to start pushing this import, but they need a raise. Regular Becks is OK. But Dark? It's the beer equivalent of eating a tub of frosting.
Greatest One-Hit Wonder of All Time:
No question: Iron Butterfly, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, with the 10-minute drum solo.
Milky Way. There's nothing like the combination of milk chocolate (sugar, cocoa butter, skim milk, chocolate, lactose, milkfat, soy lecithin, artificial flavor), corn syrup, sugar, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, skim milk, less than 2% milkfat, cocoa powder processed with alkali, lactose, malted barley, wheat flour, salt, egg whites, and artificial flavor.
Worst 90s Band:
Easy. That goes to Gin Blossoms. Just horrible. That voice, like a whining terrier! The name, I even hate. The folky, REM-ish, Cure-ish, Hooty-ish mix of angst and sadness for the sake of selling records. And you can never get that damn jealousy song out of your head, can you? It's like the bad knock-off Tostito that you can't stop eating even though you hate the chips and yourself for still eating them.
Worst Sitcom, All-Time:
Another easy one: Home Improvement. How I hated this show when it was on the air. Let me count the reasons:
1.) Predictable. Opening joke, setup conflict, resolve with neighbor, everyone's happy again.
2.) The credit bloopers weren't funny.
3.) Horrible acting.
4.) Everyone loved this show. "Ohhhhhh, Tim the Tool-Man Taylor is oooooooon. Wooooooo-hooo!" I don't get it. What were these people looking forward to?
5.) That damn kid actor who got all famous for two weeks.
6.) The stupid neighbor schlock.
7.) The kiss of death: the "sitcom" got serious. The worst series to go serious was Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (remember -- the Carlton-gun episode?), but that had its redeeming good points. When this one went serious, there was nothing to redeem.
Best Seinfeld Episode on the 4 Seasons Released to DVD So Far:
Tough one, but I choose The Cheever Letters. That dinner scene is brilliant. The panties remark. "I'm gonna need some water over here!" Best episode ending of all time.
Most Awkward Harry Potter Movie Yet:
Chamber of Secrets was good, but you can just see them growing up on set, struggling with which emotion to . . . emote. And that ending just slowed to a halt for some reason. Still, worth the viewing.
Beer I'm Most Thankful is Offered Fairly Prominently Now That Was Not 5 Years Ago:
Beck's Dark. I don't know who got the idea to start pushing this import, but they need a raise. Regular Becks is OK. But Dark? It's the beer equivalent of eating a tub of frosting.
Greatest One-Hit Wonder of All Time:
No question: Iron Butterfly, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, with the 10-minute drum solo.
