Friday, September 30, 2005
Breast Feeding Nazis
As a husband and father, I have developed a new-found respect for mothers. Because mothers are damned if they breast feed, and mothers are damned if they don't breast feed. Allow me to explain.
Comments the breast feeding mother receives:
"Oh, I didn't even try that. It's gross."
"Doesn't that hurt?"
"Why are you doing that? Formula is just fine."
"You're STILL doing that? What, isn't he like six months old now? Oh, my God, you must be one of those weirdos."
"You can't work while breast feeding. You need to choose between your family and your job."
You see, there are two kinds of mothers -- the feeders and the formulators. And the formulators -- because of some, odd combination of societal pressure and inner consciousness -- feel this tremendous guilt over having not breast fed. And they relieve this guilt by criticizing anyone who decides to breast feed.
As a guy, I honestly don't see where these people are coming from. What's their bag? So they didn't breast feed? Big frickin deal. Why dump on everyone who does? Personally, I think all these people need to be gathered together, brought to an open field, and shot.
Comments the formulators receive:
"Don't you know the incredible health benefits of breast feeding?"
"You can become closer to your child this way."
"Why don't you at least try it?"
"Don't you know how expensive formula is?"
Some feeders are normal. Others are not. Others feel an exponential rise in self-righteousness, and they live to expose this to others, especially the formulators. Beyond the above comments, feeders are known to have uttered:
"You can't feed him with a bottle. Only the breast."
"Don't even let your husband feed with a bottle. I wouldn't let a bottle get between me and my baby while feeding."
"Breast feeding should be accepted anywhere. Women should be allowed to breast feed at any restaurant, park bench, department store, street corner or elevator."
"There is no limit on breast feeding. Some doctors say two years, but my six-year-old still loves his mommy's num-num."
"Breast feeding mothers should stop working. The child is the most important thing in the world. Work can wait until the child goes to college."
"Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if only every woman breast fed her children?"
Obviously, these people are gonzo, bonkers, deep-end, 9 cigs short of a pack, and just plain wacky. I guess my outrage toward both the feeders and the formulators comes from -- why? Why is it anyone's business? Why can't everybody just shut up about everybody else's breasts. Let's all just leave the fucking breasts alone for a while. OK?
Comments the breast feeding mother receives:
"Oh, I didn't even try that. It's gross."
"Doesn't that hurt?"
"Why are you doing that? Formula is just fine."
"You're STILL doing that? What, isn't he like six months old now? Oh, my God, you must be one of those weirdos."
"You can't work while breast feeding. You need to choose between your family and your job."
You see, there are two kinds of mothers -- the feeders and the formulators. And the formulators -- because of some, odd combination of societal pressure and inner consciousness -- feel this tremendous guilt over having not breast fed. And they relieve this guilt by criticizing anyone who decides to breast feed.
As a guy, I honestly don't see where these people are coming from. What's their bag? So they didn't breast feed? Big frickin deal. Why dump on everyone who does? Personally, I think all these people need to be gathered together, brought to an open field, and shot.
Comments the formulators receive:
"Don't you know the incredible health benefits of breast feeding?"
"You can become closer to your child this way."
"Why don't you at least try it?"
"Don't you know how expensive formula is?"
Some feeders are normal. Others are not. Others feel an exponential rise in self-righteousness, and they live to expose this to others, especially the formulators. Beyond the above comments, feeders are known to have uttered:
"You can't feed him with a bottle. Only the breast."
"Don't even let your husband feed with a bottle. I wouldn't let a bottle get between me and my baby while feeding."
"Breast feeding should be accepted anywhere. Women should be allowed to breast feed at any restaurant, park bench, department store, street corner or elevator."
"There is no limit on breast feeding. Some doctors say two years, but my six-year-old still loves his mommy's num-num."
"Breast feeding mothers should stop working. The child is the most important thing in the world. Work can wait until the child goes to college."
"Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if only every woman breast fed her children?"
Obviously, these people are gonzo, bonkers, deep-end, 9 cigs short of a pack, and just plain wacky. I guess my outrage toward both the feeders and the formulators comes from -- why? Why is it anyone's business? Why can't everybody just shut up about everybody else's breasts. Let's all just leave the fucking breasts alone for a while. OK?
