Monday, September 04, 2006
I've Got a Fever
Right now, I'm just sitting by the phone. See, I can't wait until the Brewers season ticket sales guy calls my this off-season. Because . . . what's he gonna say?
After all the years of losing, last year, they go .500. Even-Steven. And all the expectations were for a wild-card-contending team. Even after a so-so start and an iffy post-All Star break, just a couple weeks ago the Brew Crew was only about five games off of the wild card spot (not to mention just six and a half off the division lead).
Then my dependable boys went and shat the bed by losing 10 straight. And I don't know why I'm writing in the past tense because the losing streak is still going on. I called it too, I sensed a collapse. It was in the late-season schedule, the style of play, the half-assed managing. So we can confidently kiss this season goodnight, and I'll spend my last two games at the park looking for the nacho guy and trying to find the nearest two-fisted slobber who gets booted out of the game.
But I can't wait for that phone call from the sales guy. I bet he blames it all on injuries. Which is a load of crap because every team faces injuries. Bottom line is the Brewer's have average starting pitching, very weak middle relief, average closing pitching, sub-average batting, and average defense. What's worse about this team is they never really go for it. If they get a one-run lead, they play as if they've got it all in the bag. They never double-steal. Hell, they never steal. If second is wide open, the opposing catcher is on his knees, and we need a runner on two, they'll hold the guy on base. It's like watching one of those fake wrestling matches, except in this one, the scary guy hits HIMSELF over the head with the folding chair.
Mind you, I've got a list of complaints for when the Brewers guy calls. And I'm not accepting this "injury plague" BS as an excuse. For the complete failure this season is, I want answers about MANY things:
1. Why are Leinies beers $6.75? For Christ's sake, who do you think you're kidding?
2. $7.00 for parking? How high is it going to go? When I'm 60, is it going to be $20 to park?
3. Watching a game is like being in the middle of The Running Man (choose the book or movie). There's so much crap going on around you (promotional BS), that they've actually made it difficult to focus on the game. Of course, it's no help that the team's no good . . .
4. Have you idiots realized that half the crowd leaves after the sausage race in the sixth inning? For Christ's sake, move it to the eighth so you get a little more crowd support for a close game.
5. Why is the roof closed 60% of the time? I thought the roof was only there for potentially delayed games (rain). Now if a light breeze threatens Milwaukee county, you people are shutting the hatches.
6. This is Milwaukee -- and you can't offer fried onions for the brats? Come on. How do you face yourselves in the mirror each morning?
7. Can you stop it already with that idiotic promotion with the Palermo's pizza? The one in which the kid on the field holds the big pizza and has to catch the tiny pepperonis that the mascot throws from the nose-bleeds? The kids can't even see the fucking things as they come down! This is a shameful waste of everyone's time. I have yet to watch it and not be embarrassed for everyone there.
So, there you have it. Another season as a Milwaukee Brewers fan. Can you feel the fever?
After all the years of losing, last year, they go .500. Even-Steven. And all the expectations were for a wild-card-contending team. Even after a so-so start and an iffy post-All Star break, just a couple weeks ago the Brew Crew was only about five games off of the wild card spot (not to mention just six and a half off the division lead).
Then my dependable boys went and shat the bed by losing 10 straight. And I don't know why I'm writing in the past tense because the losing streak is still going on. I called it too, I sensed a collapse. It was in the late-season schedule, the style of play, the half-assed managing. So we can confidently kiss this season goodnight, and I'll spend my last two games at the park looking for the nacho guy and trying to find the nearest two-fisted slobber who gets booted out of the game.
But I can't wait for that phone call from the sales guy. I bet he blames it all on injuries. Which is a load of crap because every team faces injuries. Bottom line is the Brewer's have average starting pitching, very weak middle relief, average closing pitching, sub-average batting, and average defense. What's worse about this team is they never really go for it. If they get a one-run lead, they play as if they've got it all in the bag. They never double-steal. Hell, they never steal. If second is wide open, the opposing catcher is on his knees, and we need a runner on two, they'll hold the guy on base. It's like watching one of those fake wrestling matches, except in this one, the scary guy hits HIMSELF over the head with the folding chair.
Mind you, I've got a list of complaints for when the Brewers guy calls. And I'm not accepting this "injury plague" BS as an excuse. For the complete failure this season is, I want answers about MANY things:
1. Why are Leinies beers $6.75? For Christ's sake, who do you think you're kidding?
2. $7.00 for parking? How high is it going to go? When I'm 60, is it going to be $20 to park?
3. Watching a game is like being in the middle of The Running Man (choose the book or movie). There's so much crap going on around you (promotional BS), that they've actually made it difficult to focus on the game. Of course, it's no help that the team's no good . . .
4. Have you idiots realized that half the crowd leaves after the sausage race in the sixth inning? For Christ's sake, move it to the eighth so you get a little more crowd support for a close game.
5. Why is the roof closed 60% of the time? I thought the roof was only there for potentially delayed games (rain). Now if a light breeze threatens Milwaukee county, you people are shutting the hatches.
6. This is Milwaukee -- and you can't offer fried onions for the brats? Come on. How do you face yourselves in the mirror each morning?
7. Can you stop it already with that idiotic promotion with the Palermo's pizza? The one in which the kid on the field holds the big pizza and has to catch the tiny pepperonis that the mascot throws from the nose-bleeds? The kids can't even see the fucking things as they come down! This is a shameful waste of everyone's time. I have yet to watch it and not be embarrassed for everyone there.
So, there you have it. Another season as a Milwaukee Brewers fan. Can you feel the fever?
