Friday, February 29, 2008
Ham and Mushrooms
Anyone who knows me -- even at the level of mere acquaintance -- knows that I dislike ham and mushrooms. And I can't figure out how that happened.
To me, my tastes are very reasonable. I've chosen two foods -- two out of the vast pantheon of edible items -- not to eat. Everything else is fair game. And it's been this way for almost my entire life. Early on I didn't go for olives, but that faded.
And sure, there are still foods I'm not crazy about. My mom always used to serve warm, cooked peas, straight. I wasn't a big fan. Peas themselves are OK. I like 'em cold as part of a salad. But on their own? Eh. I'll eat 'em. I just won't be so excited about it. Ham and mushrooms are the only foods I refuse to eat.
That is to state that -- if I'm at a fancy dinner party where they only serve ham as the main dish . . . yes, then I'm only eating appetizers. I don't think I should have to suffer through a dinner I'll hate. I've rejected two things on the planet. That's it. Nobody should take offense to that. It's two things. What about all those people who carry around a list of things they won't eat? And it's never a simple list, is it? It's got all sorts of clauses like, "anything creamy" or "anything tomato-based".
One of my co-workers got pizza with shrooms on it once, and another co-worker told him I wouldn't eat it. The first guy said, "What -- is he some sort of picky eater or something?" TWO THINGS! THAT'S NOT PICKY! And the guys at work are always getting pizzas with either ham or shrooms on them. Come on -- what ever happened to good old-fashioned pepperoni? Who thinks of pizza and gravitates to mushrooms? When did a slimy, stinking, mud-like vegetable become enticing?
What blows my mind is that so many people remember these two things about me. I don't remember what most people don't like. Everyone I meet seems to know that I hate these foods. Every once in a while, someone challenges me, saying I'm closed-minded, that I probably haven't tried ham or mushrooms in years and am holding out purely on memory. So I always will test in front of them. I have no problem proving that I still find them disgusting and that I'm just a consistent person.
My issue with ham is that it's got this awful, salty flavor. People invariably ask me if I eat bacon, and I do -- that's completely different, crispy and tasty. Ham brings on retching. Then I get the Canadian bacon question. Folks, Canadian bacon and prosciutto are just other words for HAM.
Mushrooms, I can take two different ways:
A.) They are not food. They are fungus, and not for human consumption.
B.) They're disgusting and horrendous. If forced to choose between a slice of ham and a half-bite of shroom, I reluctantly choose the ham every time.
Then I have to hear the nonsense about how mushrooms don't have any flavor. If that were true, WHY ARE THEY USED IN COOKING AT ALL? I can always tell one someone slips shrooms into spaghettis, lasagnas, or casseroles. I'll do my best to eat around them or push them to the side, but sometimes it's just not worth the effort.
I guess that would be my version of hell. Not necessarily a banquet full of ham and mushrooms. A banquet full of food I like, each dish infiltrated by ham or mushrooms, Satan laughing at me from the corner, little bits of ham and mushrooms stuck between his teeth.
To me, my tastes are very reasonable. I've chosen two foods -- two out of the vast pantheon of edible items -- not to eat. Everything else is fair game. And it's been this way for almost my entire life. Early on I didn't go for olives, but that faded.
And sure, there are still foods I'm not crazy about. My mom always used to serve warm, cooked peas, straight. I wasn't a big fan. Peas themselves are OK. I like 'em cold as part of a salad. But on their own? Eh. I'll eat 'em. I just won't be so excited about it. Ham and mushrooms are the only foods I refuse to eat.
That is to state that -- if I'm at a fancy dinner party where they only serve ham as the main dish . . . yes, then I'm only eating appetizers. I don't think I should have to suffer through a dinner I'll hate. I've rejected two things on the planet. That's it. Nobody should take offense to that. It's two things. What about all those people who carry around a list of things they won't eat? And it's never a simple list, is it? It's got all sorts of clauses like, "anything creamy" or "anything tomato-based".
One of my co-workers got pizza with shrooms on it once, and another co-worker told him I wouldn't eat it. The first guy said, "What -- is he some sort of picky eater or something?" TWO THINGS! THAT'S NOT PICKY! And the guys at work are always getting pizzas with either ham or shrooms on them. Come on -- what ever happened to good old-fashioned pepperoni? Who thinks of pizza and gravitates to mushrooms? When did a slimy, stinking, mud-like vegetable become enticing?
What blows my mind is that so many people remember these two things about me. I don't remember what most people don't like. Everyone I meet seems to know that I hate these foods. Every once in a while, someone challenges me, saying I'm closed-minded, that I probably haven't tried ham or mushrooms in years and am holding out purely on memory. So I always will test in front of them. I have no problem proving that I still find them disgusting and that I'm just a consistent person.
My issue with ham is that it's got this awful, salty flavor. People invariably ask me if I eat bacon, and I do -- that's completely different, crispy and tasty. Ham brings on retching. Then I get the Canadian bacon question. Folks, Canadian bacon and prosciutto are just other words for HAM.
Mushrooms, I can take two different ways:
A.) They are not food. They are fungus, and not for human consumption.
B.) They're disgusting and horrendous. If forced to choose between a slice of ham and a half-bite of shroom, I reluctantly choose the ham every time.
Then I have to hear the nonsense about how mushrooms don't have any flavor. If that were true, WHY ARE THEY USED IN COOKING AT ALL? I can always tell one someone slips shrooms into spaghettis, lasagnas, or casseroles. I'll do my best to eat around them or push them to the side, but sometimes it's just not worth the effort.
I guess that would be my version of hell. Not necessarily a banquet full of ham and mushrooms. A banquet full of food I like, each dish infiltrated by ham or mushrooms, Satan laughing at me from the corner, little bits of ham and mushrooms stuck between his teeth.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Just imagine the speed, it's just what you need.
The wife and I got sick on February 3, and have been ever since. Just this week we got better. Mostly anyway. It's amazing how much I began to value health once it had been absent for so long. I began wondering what it would be like to have heavy chest congestion and coughing in June.
I missed so much running, but for the first time didn't miss it. I think that was just because it's also been crappy weather outside ever since we got sick. Also, I lost my appetite and haven't really put on any weight even with the layoff. It's a joy to run again, but my whole training calendar seems pushed back 7 weeks even though I only lost three.
I bought some great beer from Bell's brewery. It's a double cream stout. Beautiful, full and tasty. It's like the brewer put cake in a bottle. Bless him.
The Brewers season is gearing up, and I for one can wait. February is too early to be talking baseball. Plus, I just don't see them winning the division. Too much has to fall their way. We won't be getting season tickets this year. Too expensive and too much of a commitment. But we'll go to some games. I got a little frustrated with the seating options. You're either paying practically nothing for a crappy view, or you're paying with your vital organs for a decent seat. There's no in-between.
I'm listening to snippets of the new Joggers album right now, and it's so good that I can't even describe it. They are the best band not from Portland to come out of Portland.
I recently bought 100 sci-fi 'classics' -- let's emphasize those quotation marks -- for $37. It's really hit and miss, and I find myself apologizing for the 1950s filmmakers. I don't know what happened in the 70s, though. All that made-for-TV crap.
Buddy Miles, one of the Band of Gypsys, just recently died, which is a shame. He was a terrific drummer with a lot of style.
I think I'd better get organized fast, or this year is gonna blow by me.
And that is the end of a quick and terribly scattered post from someone who hasn't posted in a long time. I'll have to do this again some time.
I missed so much running, but for the first time didn't miss it. I think that was just because it's also been crappy weather outside ever since we got sick. Also, I lost my appetite and haven't really put on any weight even with the layoff. It's a joy to run again, but my whole training calendar seems pushed back 7 weeks even though I only lost three.
I bought some great beer from Bell's brewery. It's a double cream stout. Beautiful, full and tasty. It's like the brewer put cake in a bottle. Bless him.
The Brewers season is gearing up, and I for one can wait. February is too early to be talking baseball. Plus, I just don't see them winning the division. Too much has to fall their way. We won't be getting season tickets this year. Too expensive and too much of a commitment. But we'll go to some games. I got a little frustrated with the seating options. You're either paying practically nothing for a crappy view, or you're paying with your vital organs for a decent seat. There's no in-between.
I'm listening to snippets of the new Joggers album right now, and it's so good that I can't even describe it. They are the best band not from Portland to come out of Portland.
I recently bought 100 sci-fi 'classics' -- let's emphasize those quotation marks -- for $37. It's really hit and miss, and I find myself apologizing for the 1950s filmmakers. I don't know what happened in the 70s, though. All that made-for-TV crap.
Buddy Miles, one of the Band of Gypsys, just recently died, which is a shame. He was a terrific drummer with a lot of style.
I think I'd better get organized fast, or this year is gonna blow by me.
And that is the end of a quick and terribly scattered post from someone who hasn't posted in a long time. I'll have to do this again some time.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Once Again Into the Fray
My Dear Mr. N-----,
If I believed in drops in the bucket, I would consider the matter of voting one of more importance than a menial task such as, say . . . combing my hair.
Seems ridiculous? But then, combed hair is considered to be an important part of the presidential process. Integral even. If you don't believe me just read any major news outlet's review of a presidential debate: they always spend plenty of time or space on how the candidates looked. Did they look presidential?
And when I think about it more, I realize that I'm not really voting for McCain, Clinton or Obama. I'm voting for the people who vote for them. In fact there was a little article in the paper today that one of these delegates was a 21-year-old college student who had never voted in a presidential election before. Yet here he is, a 'super-delegate', they called him, taking calls from the Clintons and John Kerry, among others. He's among the best and the brightest in the democratic party, they say. And I wonder how it's possible for a person who's never voted before and who has so little life or political experience to be considered for such a position. The only result I can come up with is that he is not the best and the brightest. Political parties do not even desire to enlist the best and the brightest. But I bet he's excellent at following directions. I bet he was a hell of a multiple-choice test taker in his day. I'm sure he's quick with slogans. And I can tell you he already looks the part. And that's exactly what the political parties want -- loyalty without a whole lot of thought.
I watch these great ads about changing this and changing that, but they don't tell me how they're going to do it. Nobody ever asks me to sacrifice. Everybody wants to give me something (tax cut, guaranteed health care, an end to war, etc.) . . . presumably so I'll give them my vote. It's all a little too reminiscent of life on the animal farm . . . hearing the pigs in the other room, dressed all in human clothes now, and not being able to tell whether they really were pigs or humans. As a kid I loved politics. It's all the same snorting now.
Everyone tells me I have to vote for change, and the logician in me snaps right back in his chair and thinks, "Bush ain't on the ballot, folks -- we're guaranteed change no matter what happens." Would I not vote out of spite?, you ask. I guess it depends on how motivated I am when I get up in the morning. Either way, with or without me, Wisconsin will have chosen.
By the way, I'm surprised to hear such virulent democracy coming from your (former?) communist pen. I guess I'll take that as a sign of healthy progress. Who knows, in 10 more years you may become a certified Libertarian. Eh, maybe not.
Anyway, I wish you good health and bright days in the golden land west of the St. Croix, and hope to remain--
Yours Truly,
If I believed in drops in the bucket, I would consider the matter of voting one of more importance than a menial task such as, say . . . combing my hair.
Seems ridiculous? But then, combed hair is considered to be an important part of the presidential process. Integral even. If you don't believe me just read any major news outlet's review of a presidential debate: they always spend plenty of time or space on how the candidates looked. Did they look presidential?
And when I think about it more, I realize that I'm not really voting for McCain, Clinton or Obama. I'm voting for the people who vote for them. In fact there was a little article in the paper today that one of these delegates was a 21-year-old college student who had never voted in a presidential election before. Yet here he is, a 'super-delegate', they called him, taking calls from the Clintons and John Kerry, among others. He's among the best and the brightest in the democratic party, they say. And I wonder how it's possible for a person who's never voted before and who has so little life or political experience to be considered for such a position. The only result I can come up with is that he is not the best and the brightest. Political parties do not even desire to enlist the best and the brightest. But I bet he's excellent at following directions. I bet he was a hell of a multiple-choice test taker in his day. I'm sure he's quick with slogans. And I can tell you he already looks the part. And that's exactly what the political parties want -- loyalty without a whole lot of thought.
I watch these great ads about changing this and changing that, but they don't tell me how they're going to do it. Nobody ever asks me to sacrifice. Everybody wants to give me something (tax cut, guaranteed health care, an end to war, etc.) . . . presumably so I'll give them my vote. It's all a little too reminiscent of life on the animal farm . . . hearing the pigs in the other room, dressed all in human clothes now, and not being able to tell whether they really were pigs or humans. As a kid I loved politics. It's all the same snorting now.
Everyone tells me I have to vote for change, and the logician in me snaps right back in his chair and thinks, "Bush ain't on the ballot, folks -- we're guaranteed change no matter what happens." Would I not vote out of spite?, you ask. I guess it depends on how motivated I am when I get up in the morning. Either way, with or without me, Wisconsin will have chosen.
By the way, I'm surprised to hear such virulent democracy coming from your (former?) communist pen. I guess I'll take that as a sign of healthy progress. Who knows, in 10 more years you may become a certified Libertarian. Eh, maybe not.
Anyway, I wish you good health and bright days in the golden land west of the St. Croix, and hope to remain--
Yours Truly,
